The Power of the Other
- Apr 1, 2018
- 3 min read
How I came across this book: I was looking for a gift for a friend
Favorite Line from the book:
There is no such thing as self-made man or woman. It does “take a village” to grow a person, and to sustain one.
True performance is an expression, not a request to be liked or praised.
This book is about relationships and the magical effect it has on all us even if we do not want to acknowledge it. The author's brother-in-law Mark, was a Navy SEAL. You have to be the best of the best to become a SEAL. Mark died in the Iraq war. In the aftermath, one of Mark’s buddies shared a story of their training days from the ‘Hell week,’ which tests you to your core limits before you are certified as a SEAL. It involves swimming in hypothermic water of an ocean. Mark had finished this last stretch of swimming. He was standing on the cliff, rejoicing in happiness and waiting for his buddy to cross the finish line. Halfway across, his buddy hit the wall. He felt his body just could not move anymore. He was about to sink into the water. All these years of training and dreams were about to sink with him. Just at the last moment, he caught a glimpse of Mark on the cliff, who gave him a fist pump and shouted, ‘you can do it.’ Some magical energy went through his body, and he went in another dimension. His body suddenly found new fuel, and he crossed the finish line to become a SEAL. That is the power of relationship!
Our success in life depends upon the angular relation between our brain, mind, and relationships. Our brain is like the hardware and mind like the software. The software always needs an update to keep it updated. That update comes from our relationships. We are hardwired to find connections to upgrade our software. Till our system detects a connection it keeps sending our mind the same signal which we see on our phones when we land in a new city - ‘SEARCHING.’
There are four types of relationships. Dr. Cloud calls them corners – corner one (being alone), corner two (bad relationship with negative energy), corner three (pseudo good relationship) and corner four (good relationship). Being alone is not the same as finding solitude. People are lonely and cannot move out of corner one because they are afraid that they will end up in corner two. Ironically, when they get desperate to find a connection then they end up in corner two – bad relationship. Corner three makes us feel-good – drug addiction, employee brushing up their boss, affairs, etc. Problem with corner three: it is addictive and not permanent. One day we end up facing reality and try to run away from the whole situation, and end up in corner one again. Then the vicious cycle begins all over. We should search for corner four – good relationships and actively develop it. In corner four, we can be honest with ourselves, discuss our weaknesses and fall back for support. Corner four lets us grow and challenge at the same time to make us a more responsible person This is the kind of relationship which gives us positive energy.
I have faced all four corners in my life and have been lucky to find a lot of corner fours. These are the relationships where people have supported and cared for me in my personal and professional life. I have felt the magical power of relationships at every step of my life. Describing this magical power in words is difficult. Every time someone tells me ‘keep going,’ it is like giving me the same fist pump, which helped Mark’s buddy to become a SEAL. Every time someone tells me ‘I look forward to your book reviews and blogs,’ it is like shouting at me from the cliff ‘you can do it.’ Every time someone donates to the charity, it is like we are helping another kid to see their potential to become a SEAL. I have found corner four in all of you who have supported my cause. Hopefully, I would inspire someone else to work for even a better purpose. As Dr. Cloud states, ‘corner four tends to get passed down.’ That is the power of the other!
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